Tins of dip literally have a warning label that says it is not a safe alternative to smoking.

I-calls?

No, I like your comment, I'm mocking the comments I've seen re: flopping over the last few days, often from people who couldn't explain the offside rule.

Something something pussies, something something real sport.

Every home should have one muzzle-loaded, smooth bore flintlock, just like the signers of the constitution. Very few accidents with those guns.

What about headers? Fellaini!

If you're a Mexico fan it was.

Yup, nearly killed my cousin. Ruptured. Spleen.

Ooooh! Cheese on hand means available cheese. I was picturing a situation where you look at your cheez covered mitt and go "Well, this is a turn on."

I thought that was the Google self-shooting gun.

Wisconsin, birthplace of the progressive movement, the great north woods, I love you. Don't do this to me. Don't move backward, move...

Dude, you would love Janelle Ambrosia. You've got so much in common:

This is why teens shouldn't listen to all that hippity hop that glorifies stud life. If only they knew the reality of stud life...

These are the kinds of adults that Roald Dahl wrote about: humorless bridge trolls.

That's Milorganite:

Lots of those up nort' towns have businesses (bars) that are fairly empty until this time of year when all the FIBs go on vacation.

Better than Palin around with bears.

"I'll take 'Condescending Pricks' for 1000"

Well I guess I'll just send my donation to a super PAC, then. At least we know they are not for profit.

I was with Gwen until... "It's almost, like, how in war..." No. It's not.