Would someone just shove these two antique old men in a locked room full of pointed sticks and chainsaws and baseball bats wrapped in barb wire and such...

How dare you talk that way about Libby Watson: Super Professional Serious Journalist like that you dirty sexist.

Good thing some nut job getting killed attacking a migrant detention center didn’t just happen a few hours ago or you wouldn’t be able to run filler like this article what with being busy on reporting on actual news and such. 

Just wanted to send all you Splinter folks off into your weekend secure in the knowledge that SDNY is wrapping up its investigation of the Trump Organization based on the Michael Cohen stuff and NOBODY IS GOING TO BE CHARGED!

Do you hold this same position for anonymous sources who provide details on GOP doings?

Wait. Does this mean you guys are going to quit using similarily anonymous sources to go after Pelosi or does it only apply to Dems you support?

you’re probably fun at parties

Right? Like, you would hope if there was a shred of self-awareness left in her, that she let out an audible groan at getting this article assignment. I mean, I’m hoping she was told to write this article and isn’t so incredibly tone deaf that she actually came up with the idea on her own.

ESPECIALLY libby watson.

If Ladd does not at all appear to be in any condition to drive a car

If you don’t think AOC is a puppet, you are a fool...

If I order nachos without the knob, can I get it cheaper?

“ ... she’s been saying dismissive things about four prominent freshman female Congress members of color for months.”

That’s what got me. ORDER SOMETHING ELSE, DUMBFUCK.

This question is up there with the recent complaint that they brought his entree out late, he still ate it, but they didn’t give it to him for free.

I SAID WHAT’S REALLY GOOD?

Everybody should have a little Rude Negro inside themselves. 

When I worked as a butcher in a grocery store, we’d occasionally have customers come in after we’d shut down and cleaned the cutting room and ask for something custom cut. When told no, but we have these precut steaks they’d ask for a discount because they “couldn’t get what they wanted”. No you fuck, there’s no…

“Dear Salty, can I prorate my tip because I spent significantly less time at the table than the typical patron?”

{cite:City Park, men’s washroom, farthest stall from the door, Saturday May 26, 1979}