Splinter bloggers’ general operating style is, “No matter how crazy our bullshit is, our readers will believe it.”

He’s not prone to hysterics like most of you?

Fuck it, you must be absolutely destitute to run for office. Then we’ll dump you with 165k a year!

You can’t even make the argument that Walmart is underpaying its workers. Who is making the judgment of what “underpayment” is? Certainly not you. The government has a set minimum wage, and so long as they’re paid that then they are, by definition, not underpaid. Whether or not a worker feels that way is their…

It exists because Wal-Mart decided for whatever reason that engaging people as they enter the store provides some sort of benefit. There’s been at least one psychological study that says engaging people as they enter the store makes them feel both valued, and noticed - also lowering chances of theft, because it makes…

I mean, laughing at him implies he’s not even worthy of criticism, and since what he’s advocating for here is laughably stupid, I’m on board.

Okay, then don’t subsidize it. The company is under no obligation to pay you more for near-useless work. Remove the government assistance if you’re mad about subsidizing it. The company can simply lay the employee off..Or is your next argument going to be prohibiting them from doing that and forcing them to employ…

Then they’re a proxy, not a board member. Goober.

What’s he gonna do, propose a bill demanding the government take control of Wal-Mart? Bernie hasn’t written a bill in..Well, ever.

Hey genius, you do know that if an hourly worker sat on the board they’d no longer be an hourly worker? I understand you have no idea how a company runs, or how a board of directors operates, but it comes with a fucking salary.

Da comrade, Da! We should restrict how much people are allowed to earn, for we are the wise and infallible and know exactly how much that should be!..Except for us, of course. Being wise and infallible, we need that extra to preserve our..ability to be wise and infallible.”

It’s really not that absurd, when the task you’re doing full time could be done by a computer..Or have you never seen a self-checkout kiosk at a grocery store? “I SHOULDN’T NEED GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE WHEN I WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK AS A GREETER AT WAL-MART!” is the dumbest fucking claim I’ve heard in the past ten years.

Sanders: “Add hourly workers to your board of directors!”

But dude, they just KNOW the world is going to end in 5 years!

“Editing? You mean spellcheck?”

“All the money. We need all the money, is what I’m saying. No more spending on anything except restructurings. In fact, we’re going to just build a giant platform over the entire world, covered in solar panels and wind turbines, and then we’re all gonna live under it. In the dark. We’re gonna become the mole…

Dude..You’re fucking quoting a scale devised by an ASTRONOMER in -1964-. Relax, the world is not going to end any time soon.