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[buys subscription to Oxford English Dictionary, which, after all, is required for Introductory English seminar]

[buys Introductory Logic textbook]

So, what other task are you fucking up while fucking up at Gawker shitposting?

I will grant that there is at least one good person in the Republican Party, but by no means are the two parties currently equal on the amount of idiots. Your party is openly anti-intellectual and anti-science these past five years and showing no trends of getting past that, as you might expect from a party with a…

I'm betting that you spend a good deal of your day just astonished at the things minorities are getting away with in this unfreakinreal PC world in which we find ourselves.

And that's how religion was born.

Why won't you leave this good Christian man alone? He only wants to talk about how much better his marriage is than yours!

Replace "gay" with "black" and be magically transported back to the pre-civil rights era (or the suburbs).

Hi! Welcome to 2014! We're excited to have you here from whatever distant past you traveled here from. Allow me to bring you up to speed on how things work in the 21st Century. When a person is asked a question and replies with a personal opinion - let's say a bigoted opinion, just for the purposes of this example -…

Is Joe Flacco a elite qb?

"Want bigotry? Just water it!"

They both left office with about the same level of bowel control.

Where is Ronald Reagan?

Sure thing. Maybe we could change it to "red herring".

Catanzaro: [Negotiates Log Grip]
Catanzaro: [Handles Salmon Ladder]
Catanzaro: [Scales Warped Wall]
Color Guy: Catanzaro is killing it so far. KILLING it!
Play-By-Play Guy: But here's where it gets tricky.
Catanzaro: [Jumps over Slow and Low]
Catanzaro: [Dodges Hawaiian Punch]
Catanzaro: [Finishes Chicken Fingers With Deadly…

Yep. Basically recaliberated just how *much* of a fuckstain pissbaby my father is.