Funny, all I see is peaness?

If Cressida can wear scrunchies, he gets to keep the beard.

I do love a good ice cream treat, but I've never owned Uggs. Sweatpants are my spirit animal, and I've never had a problem with my self esteem (thanks, Girl Scouts and good parenting).

Yeah, everyone in LA has them. We are fine with the ban. I am pretending this post is satire. Hahaha, lol, people in LA, AMIRITE?

They do in certain areas nearby, like Pasadena, but not everywhere. I haven't seen them anywhere in LA proper. I just buy the blue plastic bag thingies at Petco. (It's not like LA is banning ALL plastic bags, you just can't get them at the grocery store with your groceries anymore. The headline is pretty…

It's irresistible. I never even watched the show, but I recognize this guy, and he still makes me laugh!

I had to break out an oldie, but goodie!

"To me, it would have been on par with Rihanna introing "Man Down" with a 911 call from Columbine, or Miley starting "Wrecking Ball" with audio from 9/11."

I'm sorry, I can't get past "57-year-old". WHAT? I thought she was maaaaaybe 40. Girl looks good.

I hope the rest of you read this and took it to heart.

They're missing the real story here, which is: WHERE IS HER SCRUNCHIE?

His biggest fan

I'd like to bring Krampus back into action. That bad-ass answer to crappy fat santa is my kind of party. I'm going to be the worst parent.

Is it just me or is he sporting western civilization's version of "what Jesus really looked like™"?

That's preposterous. Rob Ford would never steal a seat. He's got more than enough to seat at home.

Soap! To clean things! #protip

Hipster puritans fuck up first person narratives every time.

It says Sexiest Man Alive, but it means Best Publicist Team.

You forgot to include "eat bacon" in any of your tips, so you lost most of your credibility right there.