“Is Aquino Filipino? Cause he’s in the Cor-a-Zone!!”

How the hell else was he supposed to get a Roadie named Bart?

Not to mention “the sky was the limit”...is pretty limiting!

“AA doesn’t need any rehab!”

I was stoned and it sounded good. Shut up and stop trying to be petty because you’ll never get there. Now let me rest in peace.

Meanwhile, my insanely insightful in-the-greys comments drive tens of thousandths of unique pageviews to your site every month, and I’ve yet to see dime one.

The Incredible Machine

That’s a name that rings a bell that knocks over a bowling ball that makes a hamster run on a wheel that powers a conveyor belt that shoots a basketball into a hoop.

Stu’s knees twitched in pain the instant you hit Publish on this.

If that’s the case, they should re-sign Stu Holden. 

When Martin inevitably records the last out of Game 7 of the World Series, it’s going to be a lot of fun watching his teammates mob him on the mound.

Adam Shefter is definitely the hard seltzer of sports reporters, so this makes sense on that level.

They win the title last year if EDD has two healthy legs in the playoffs

Unbelievably, I had to correct this from “100% TRUMP supporter” to “110% TRUMP supporter.” 

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

I do enjoy the complaint about run-on sentences within a 96-word, full paragraph of a sentence.

Bonchon is your friend. Some of the best wings I’ve ever had and the location (not sure if there’s multiple) by Nats Park is typically sort of quiet, while still only a few blocks from the stadium.

finally an answer to the eternal hockey question of whether a good center makes his wings great, or vice versa

It’s good because I knew from the start that is was coming, and it still managed to deliver. “Turf toe” was perfect pitch. The Magary-style aggressive capitalization works, too.