Whatever. We're all fucked. The House rejected the bailout, my 401(k) is in the fucking shitter, there are no deals to keep me busy. All the champagne bukkake in the world ain't gonna help now.

Look, the place was a dump. It should have been put out to pasture 20 years ago. This is just like when Exhibition Stadium closed (or insert your former crappy stadium here) and no one could fathom how such a thing was possible — we grew up in there! we won our first division there! — and then we walked into the…

Throw him the heater, Tom!

I don't give a rat's ass about the Mets, and Shea Stadium is a pit... but it's getting a little misty in the Daoust mansion.

DOC!!!! Even more awesome.

STRAW!!!! Awesome.

If Yogi had a nickel for every closing ceremony he shows up to...

I'm on Gooden and Strawberry watch. I have a sneaking suspicion they won't get a mention.

Am I a baseball ignoramus if I've never heard of a single one of these Mets all-timers they're trotting out?

This closing ceremony is the most surreal thing I have ever seen. It's a roll call of former Mets who couldn't be bothered to show up, while the fans can't even garner the strength to make a peep.

Go, Glenn! Hit those notes!

That's what she said.

The more I learn about Lady Andrea, the more I realize I don't know the half of it.

That's got to be Passion of the Christ.

I still can't believe the mayor of Seattle convened a press conference to read these jokes on behalf of the entire city.

Can I get an update on A-Rod and Madonna now, please?

@IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten: I respectfully disagree. I think many of them are, objectively, funny. They succeed at humor. But one does not say these things in civilized society, regardless. Just like, for example, one does not watch MTV or VH1 in civilized society, even though, objectively, there are tons of tits…

@UkraineNotWeak aka DelgadoNotWeak: Looking forward to reading about it.

I'm actually grateful to have read these. Best possible demonstration that a joke can be funny, but still wrong to say. Not, as many think, that if it's funny, it's inoffensive.

This caught my attention: pilots flying into LGA have typically used Shea as a landmark, so now they'll try to use Citi Field for the same purpose. BUT IT WILL BE "A LITTLE TRIAL AND ERROR THE FIRST FEW TIMES."