@Smokey Tornado: She will.

@daniel.greifinger1: That's the point.

I'm thinking Judge Judy should play Brenda.

Can I offer an avuncular note here? The journey to getting drunk is a ton more fun than the premature ejaculations of those too-soon destinations(I'll cite my bachelor party as exhibit A).

"Flopping out my old fella" is what Peter King calls wheeling around Dr. Z.

If they're a bit on the heavy side(oh right, it's Ohio), may I suggest Wind Beneath My Wings, from the movie Beaches. It will probably work best about 45 minutes before last call.

Man, it was hotter than Mexican's lunch in there.

@ScientificMapp: +1

@Phintastic: There's more truth to that than you think. This guy absolutely feels hunted by the paps, has(I'm guessing) barely gotten laid in a year, and has totally lost his Mojo. Sorry for the Mojo reference.

@Bring Back Anthony Mason: I thought they'd spike holes in the middle of each foot.

@sukkerpunch: Did he like to shoot bull sharks in front of you when you were 10?

Fucking pikers. My dad used to throw the 56 pound shot, among other things.

Why'd they have to shoot the fucking shark? I know Mako's good, but does anyone even eat bull shark?

John McPhee has 20,000 words in next weeks issue detailing the geology around Hattiesburg, how Mississippians catfishing techniques have changed since the Civil War, the Civil War, and who has the shiniest truck at the local depot.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Hendrick Hertzberg thinks you can place the blame for this whole thing squarely in George Bush's lap.

They do inventory by counting cups - someone's skimming some money out of the beer concessions.

Hey, an excellent way not to have dong/croc pics(which is worse?) is to, I don't know, not take them. I bet Drew(The Thin Man) would agree with me that if you want to remain happily married, one way to do it is to pay attention to your wife and stop trying to, you know, other women. Or don't be married - that's fine…

@vodkanaut: I must admit that I wouldn't be completely comfortable left alone in a hotel room after, say, 10:00 AM. He seems a bit bondagey. Or German. Take your pick.

I think A.J. must have diplomatic immunity, since he posts all of these red button topics.

I'd be okay with #2 if he wasn't holding a PBR. Hopefully it was the last non-light beer left in the cooler.