Good one, I also like “If men could get pregnant, you’d be able to get an abortion from a vending machine”

I’ve heard the variation that it would be a sacrament, but yeah: totally true. I think SNL made a joke once about how if men were able to get pregnant Plan B would be in vending machines on every corner and come in sea salt and cool ranch flavors.

Guys. We need to start a health insurance company for these loonies and take all their money and then laugh at them. We’ll secretly donate it all to Planned Parenthood and Wendy Davis.

Why are the people most determined to reproduce always the last people who should be reproducing?

Uber isn’t perfect, but I drive with them and it has been a pretty good arrangement for me. I don’t want to be considered their employee - I drive with them to earn a few extra bucks to supplement my paltry earnings as an adjunct professor. Compared to the pain in the ass that is finding any sort of work nowadays, the…

If cabs would come to my neighborhood I’d take a cab. But getting one to show up when I’ve got something like a doctors appointment is a crap shoot at best. Uber will actually show up. It’s not just cheaper or faster it’s a mater of showing up at all.

Wait... they only employ 49 black people? Forty fucking nine??? That can’t be just stupidity, it has to be deliberate, doesn’t it?

And masturbating sadly.

Naww, you’re giving Uber too much credit. Unpaid intern.

The real question is whether the corporate shills running the Twitter accounts were jacking each other off as they sat in their office next to each other.

Jia are you one of the many people who cant be bothered to tell whether the light on top of the taxi is on or off?

I’ve never been to a frat house. Do they typically string Solo cups from the ceiling for parties?

A Salem Witch Trial-themed bash hosted by Scott Disick