I got one about the time my uncle was a dick to a celebrity! My uncle was doing computer shit in Olivier Sarkozy’s office. He noticed a picture in Sarkozy’s office and told him his daughter looked like one of the Olsen twins.

One time I was flying from JFK to SFO, with a layover in Phoenix and saw Flavor Flav waiting at our gate. We went over and talked to him, he showed us the bag of clocks he keeps in Target bags with the rest of his Target bag luggage, and took a photo with us. He sat behind us on the plane (in coach) and yelled…

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

YOUR MOM.

I got him banned from his mother’s house, moved in with her myself, and she bought me a puppy.

The asshole cheated and then broke up with me before I could dump him. And I was very angry so I called him a few weeks later and said I was pregnant. I let him stew for a week and then told him I needed $500 for an abortion. He paid and I took my best friend on a road trip and had the best damn time EVER

I was kind of seeing this guy for a while. I liked him a lot. We were in our twenties. He was an artsy weirdo musican type, and had been living with an older hippie chick who had two kids. They had recently broken up, and he didn’t have a specific place to live. He was moving out of their place but didn’t know where.…

I was going through a very ugly divorce. My husband cheated multiple times and eventually moved out. While this was going on, I had to change the locks on the doors to my house due to a burglary, and didn’t tell him. One day, he stopped by to get something from the house and couldn’t get in. He flew into a rage and…

Craziest thing I’ve done after a breakup? Gained 40 lbs, had sex once and a mental breakdown twice.

When I found out my long term boyfriend had a new girlfriend, while we were still living together, I walked to the nearest travel agent and booked a flight to Europe, got an express passport and then quit my job. I was outta there in under two weeks.

after getting dumped in high school, i came home in tears and announced that i was going to slash his tires. i dramatically asked my mom where the box cutter was and she gave me a big hug and said “no, sweetie. what you want is a hammer and a screw driver.”

My ex cheated on me with his brothers girlfriend. He then had the audacity to ask for his high school lacrosse hoddie back (he was 22 this should have been a warning sign). I burned it at a bonfire, took a picture and put the ashes in a box with the picture.

NYE 2003: Long story short, I saw my long-term boyfriend making out with my “friend” (LIKE TWO HOURS BEFORE THE BALL DROPPED so there was no excuse). I screamed at him but didn’t bother with her because I didn’t want her to know she could get to me like that (she was SUCH a pathetic attention whore who lived for shit…

When my mom was pregnant with me she worked for the attorney general of our state, in the department of corrections. She was one of the few, maybe even the only, female attorneys there. She had planned to work all through her pregnancy, but the last week or so she called in.

I tried to call in "ugly"once. I told my boss I had a cold sore that went wild and my face look very, well, damaged and, as the front desk person, I thought I should stay home. He had me come in any way, took one at look at me, and conceded that, yes, maybe I could have the day off.

Yeah. I'd have been willing to work through it as a a "one time thing" but the kid called him Daddy- mother fucker was keeping a family secret.

When she showed up at our apartment with a toddler. Cute little bugger- looked just like my at the time husband.

"Sorcia, I'm in love with your best friend [a dude with a hilariously ridiculous name that I cannot post here]. We're moving to Virginia and I hope you'll be happy for us."

"I love you too."

I don't even want to talk politics! I want people who will talk about Mockingjay and the last Hobbit movie coming out! I want people who will watch Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with me. People who aren't assholes about me not liking turkey or sweet potatoes. That's it. That's all I want. I'm not asking much here.