Survivor: Wuhan

I’ve never seen an individual with no job spend so much money being absolutely cheap, and have literally nothing to show for it except a pile of rust.

Some people get tired of having a secure job. Just ask Constance Wu, David Caruso, Shelly Long, etc.

Yeah you’re right we *need* more crotch rockets that force you to crouch in a fetal position and give your spine an incurable case of scoliosis within five years.

You act like you never heard of the Chevy Vega, the car that revolutionized the concept of instant rust-through.

They are perfectly fine, as long as you don’t mind looking like a slob or a frat boy.

You trials have inspired me to order a pizza with FOUR toppings, instead of the usual three. YOLO

Come to think of it, drag queens are a very, very specific kind of clown.

I’ll be sure to let my butler know to give this info to the maid.

Someone alert the MBAs! This is ground breaking business news!

Why not supercharged instead?

Well hoi polloi bro-ster, I had an important design meeting with the company making my yacht, and I wasn’t gonna wait on your unwashed Ford Fusion driving ass.

And now you know why they are richer than 99% of the populous. They buy smart.

Not my problem those people decided to become factory workers instead of applying for the executive jobs.

That take was about as edgy as a piece of talc.

Someone make an “I’m getting a SUV!” meme along the lines of “What people think they are getting” showing a Suburban, and then “What they actually get” and show a Trax.

What is this? A dip for ants? Because that looks like enough dip for five chips, maybe.

Who the hell goes to the hospital for a god damned cold? No one...and I repeat, NO ONE, in the history of all time has ever died from a cold!

People who would now be decades to thousands of years old did shit like design the pyramids, create atom bombs, land on the moon, etc. I think downloading a fucking app would be trivial.

Last night I made the tastiest broccoli spear...that was surrounded by 10oz of steak!!!!