9-year-old son first mentioned that he couldn’t read

Did you know your clothes are enveloping you? It gets worse if you also put on sock, gloves and a hat!

So basically $9 to fill up on unlimited almond milk to go daily? I’m in.

I buy the generics from the store. More bang for my buck.

All licorice is nasty. It had to be said.

Don;t we already have laws against this? It’s called “assault”, “murder”, etc. Do we really need a specific “hanging by a rope” law?

Feels good man.

I only fly on planes that run on clean burning coal.

They should, considering the rampant assholery they perpetrate on a daily basis.

Just raise the rear of the car up. Since you are always driving downhill, range will increase.

Damn she’s still a good looking woman.

I wouldn’t turn it down. Transportation is valuable. Only spoiled retards like you spout stupid shit like this.

So all Trump has to do is become a Muslim and you’ll be stanning for meat consumption then?

Stick to sports, Deadspin reader.

Why waste time with that? They are called leaves for a reason....just leave em there.

Midwest? Try Brazil.

This was written by someone who lives in Brazil.

Wat? You mean you weren’t captivated by the 1950s dreaminess of John Hickenlooper?

I’m sure Constance is relieved she doesn’t have to go through the drudgery of having a regular job for 5 months a year anymore.

Holy shit, what a long winded intro to get to the real lede, an upcoming piece on the XFL? What does the XFL have to do with an Oxford riot?