Thank you, I totally will! It's Friday and you're leaving!

Yet my online business http://shipyourenemiesspiders.com/ languishes.

I talked to some Broncos players who said Manning was throwing more picks in practice in the past six weeks than at any other time.

A.J. remains my favorite person that I hope to never meet in person.

Some of these things are lies.

One time, Tommy cut open his scrotum when shaving it. And then he told everyone.

That's one hell of a way to quit your job as a copy editor.

I'm fine with the slowdown. Keep it up long enough and we can decrease revenues from ticketing poor people, trim the budget, and fire some cops. Start with any that have had excessive force complaints.

When FSU got down early, my brother, who was rooting for FSU, said Jameis Winston had the Ducks right where he wanted them.

If you turn the sound up and get really close to the TV you can actually hear Winston slipping to the Jets at #6.

In addition to the decline in team nickname use, Washington was also down 27 points on the scoreboard during each broadcast.

Really? You REALLY can't see firing Trestman?

Three years without a test? What do they think those swabs are, FSU football players?

And in Chicago Jay Cutler has been going undercover as a professional football player.

Is someone in this story supposed to look good because they all sound like assholes to me.

Peter King is out here with the worst possible takes:

If we're all supposed to honor and respect you for being big strong men willing to take a bullet to enforce the law and protect the public, maybe you shouldn't undercut that by being hysterically overreactive crybabies about the slightest implication that maybe somebody in your ranks is doing a shitty job?

HOW IS THIS A THING? How can cops face criminals and bad guys, but balk in the face of even the mildest criticism when they totally fucked up?