This.

Uplifting story and all, but dude...

“he’s fucking garbage, and doesnt work there anymore.”

Don’t immediately hang up the phone. This results in the telemarketer marking your lead as “no answer” and calling you back until they actually have a conversation with you.

Oh man, that’s good. If I ever get sucked into one of these things, that’s exactly what I’m doing.

That’s one of my favorite little touches in the videogame The Last of Us.

Harry Potter bored the shit out of me and I dropped it halfway through the third book.

-none of the answers are “ask them to share”

Literally this. It’s not for you at all. It’s for everyone else at your table. These were the exact words to the Applebees birthday song when I worked there:

Who cares?

The Taco Bell ones are great.

You know you’re contributing to the media crush, right?

I didn’t want to know anything about it, nor did I ask.

Hear hear.

Who said I was angry?

This whole fucking website has been lousy with grade school-tier typos and other spelling/grammar errors for YEARS.  New management may have exacerbated the problem but they sure as hell didn’t start it.

While I am a staunch atheist, I do believe that a man named Jesus Christ existed and that he indeed preached peace. I do not believe he was the son of God, though. He was a man and has been dead a long time. He is not listening to anyone’s prayers. Nobody is.

“While what I will say will most assuredly be discredited because I don’t have kids myself...”

No problem, buddy. 

I DO feel a lot better about myself. Thanks, kiddo.