“Yes it sounds like Mad Libs, but this is a news site, it’s all real!”

Well, you were fucking stupid enough to (A) have a Twitter account and (B) give them your phone number, so I’d say you’re beyond help.

Still seem pretty mad.

This comment makes you seem really mad, fyi.

How much is Martin paying you, bro?

“Freedom-loving senior citizen freedoms down multiple victims in latest mass freedoming.”

My father used to whip my bare ass with a leather belt.

No idea, but that sounds just shitty enough to be true.

Yeah, I type ~140 WPM and took part in a national speed-typing contest, placing very well.

If I really focus I can hit 140+ WPM with zero errors.

Well, then the kid just bullies you.

This is honestly, literally, and unironically what I expected when I read the headline.

YA YA YA YA YA

We just need your first sentence printed out on millions of business cards, and we can hand them out as needed.

Yeah, Disney is stupidfuckingcrazy expensive. The wife and I plan on taking exactly ONE Disney cruise EVER. We’re going to wait until both kids are old enough to enjoy/remember it because they’re never doing it again, at least not with us.

Violating your “religious beliefs,” you piece of fucking shit?

I (kinda) fit into your second example, but I’d rather just not eat burgers than eat fake plant-burgers.

If you don’t have/want to take kids (Disney) and you’re not a big drinker/partier (Carnival), then I would suggest Royal Caribbean.  

He’s not wrong. I really don’t see this becoming a mainstream thing. It’ll just be another niche.

“Nobody wants their name associated with it in any way, even if you are trying to stamp it out.”