He was one of my best friends for years. And I’ve only ever had one sexual partner, she’s very satisfied, and we’ve been married for 13 years.

Nope. Here’s a brief list of all the supplements you’d need to take based on the nutrients you’re not getting as a stupid vegan.

Pretty much same here.  We made it 1000% clear that “bedtime is bedtime” and he better have an amazing fucking reason to leave his room.  (“Almost shit his pants” was a very good reason, that one time.)  Like yours, he likes to read (“read”) with a flashlight and sometimes we hear bumps and thuds from his room, but as…

Oddly enough, no. He was actually pretty straight-edge. I think he smoked pot a couple times but didn’t really drink. Didn’t even smoke cigarettes. As far as I know, his parents were super-hardcore-drill-instructor strict and he was just a cool YOLO rebel. They butted heads constantly and eventually I guess they had a…

Seriously, holy FUCK.  Might as well just grab the big blue Morton’s salt container and chug it.

You can join me in waiting for the $4K I lent my “good friend” in high school over the course of 10 months while he lived on the couch at my (parents’) house after HIS parents threw him out. After high school he went completely off the radar and I’ve never seen him again. Convenient.

THIS THIS THIS!!!

If you’re fucking stupid enough to still have a Facebook account in 2019, you deserve everything bad that happens to you.  You’re literally signing up with Big Brother and then bitching about your privacy.  Fuck off.

I guess we all have “that game” — mine was ‘D’.

Doing my damnedest to right the ship. I’m raising two white boys and you better believe I will make them fucking suffer if I see any kind of bigotry out of them.

If you’re still fucking stupid enough to have a Facebook account in 2019, I have zero sympathy for you.

Have you tried not being a garbage person who uses Twitter?

“And that, kids, is how I met your mother.”
*cracks open a cold, refreshing Four Loko*

Drink my diarrhea, Tomato.

You still haven’t drunk my diarrhea, Tomato.

As long as you’re in the one of the states that allow one-party recording, go for it!

Yep. I’m a Cincinnati native and it still took me a couple tries before I liked it, but now I can’t get enough For my wife and I, it’s our ultimate guilty pleasure. (God help us, they just built a Skyline literally two minutes from where we live!)

Only my God is real. Your god is fake. All other gods that aren’t my God are fake. But mine, like I said, is real and exists.

Why, is life hard for women, or...?

I’m glad he’s comfortable enough with himself to come out publicly.  Good for him.