Google exists.

“Old Bartender Yells at Cloud”

Hear hear!  I’m a fatty fatty two-by-four and I fully support as many people as possible reminding Diet Coke Donny as often as possible that he cannot fit through the kitchen door.

Google.

Drink my diarrhea, Tomatochode.

Well, the main thing I learned is that Ben Shapiro drinks horse piss which, y’know...I’m not surprised.

Remember, kids - if you have an anime avatar, your opinion doesn’t matter!

It’s definitely something you have to learn. You’ll almost certainly fuck up your first batch, if not your first couple. But yeah, a piping hot cup of coffee early in the morning in the chilly woods is just...mmmmm, magic. Pure magic.

It’s definitely something you have to learn. You’ll almost certainly fuck up your first batch, if not your first…

I just use a basic-ass metal percolator from Wal-Mart and it makes some damn fine coffee.

I just use a basic-ass metal percolator from Wal-Mart and it makes some damn fine coffee.

Fucking cordyceps, man.

“Hey, want to learn how to do [THING]?”

I usually walk in anyway. Ironically, I almost always get my food faster than if I waited in the drive-thru line, and I feel like my order is more accurate because I’m speaking into a human’s face and I can check the bag for accuracy before I leave instead of having to be that asshole who sits in the drive-thru lane…

Just wait ‘til it gets out that they all LOOOOOOVE Zima.

Pretty sure I have a picture of my first son making that exact face, mid-shit.

“You turn the page.  You get mad on the internet.  You turn the page.  You get mad on the internet.  You turn the page.  You get mad on the internet.”

“Oh fuck, we forgot the diaper bag in the limo. Please don’t shit yourself, sir. PLEASE just try to hold it in until we go to McDonald’s for your Happy Meal.”

Yes and no. You have to stare pretty intently at the camera for a few seconds longer than unlocking to verify it’s you, THEN you have to double-tap the power button. Nearly impossible to do accidentally.

“Since AV Club is just reposting stuff from Twitter now...”

Way to cherrypick. Nothing to say about SuperGIRL, Gossip GIRL, Gilmore GIRLS, GLOW (Gorgeous LADIES[GIRLS] of Wrestling), and Veronica Mars GIRL?

Who are these worthless people and why do you feel it’s necessary to publicize them?