I attended a great conference once where a speaker explained something about domestic abusers that is commonly misunderstood. She explained that the idea of a husband flying into a rage and hitting his wife in a fit of passion is a stereotype of abusers that simply IS NOT TRUE.

True, but even if she had been 45, it makes no difference. Abusers don’t have special markings to alert everyone to their presence. People of all ages and backgrounds fall prey to abuse. Why? Because it’s often insidious and subtle in the beginning. They often wear their victims down slowly, chipping away at their…

Do you think all abusive assholes come bearing a warning sign? Ultimately it doesn’t matter why she was with him. She wasn’t the one beating and sexually abusing people for decades. He was. She was not responsible for his behavior.

Presumably she didn’t know he was “like that” when they wed. Abuse is usually gradual in the beginning. Then, as the abuse escalates, they isolate you. A process made easier by the shame the abused feel when made to answer questions like “Why did you marry someone like that?”

The fact that this is the biggest question you have after reading this story is a reason why violence against women is still so prevalent. Here’s an obtuse answer to an obtuse question. The majority of abusers are super charming and loving in their good moods. They also find ways to slowly chip isolate the person they…

How do you not see the obvious answer here? He was probably sweet/kind/amazing to begin with, then over the years let his real abusiveness come out. I mean JFC how do you not get that. Everyone is their best self in the beginning of a relationship. Some people are hiding messy habits, and some are hiding abusive…

They don’t wear signs.