I would eat that, but I’m sort of disgusting.

When I was job hunting during my final year in college, I picked up a recruitment pamphlet from a major bank. It folded out into a detailed timeline, listing exactly what I would be doing every year of my career between joining as a management trainee and retiring as a fully-fledged regional manager, 40 years hence. I…

Did you know if you get evaporated milk REALLY cold, you can whip it like whipped cream, except full of calcium and no fat? Add sugar and vanilla and serve it over peaches. That was my go-to easy/pantry dessert when my kids were little and wanted something sweet at the end of a meal. The taste is quite a bit different…

I recall being about six (around the time this Velvetized Carnation pamphlet came out) and being obsessed with the scenes of domesticity in cookbooks and women’s magazines. I tried so hard to imagine my life as a grown-up, living in oranges and puke greens and goldenrods, in a snappy outfit and my hair did. It…

Okay, yikes - googled for the current stats 2 million people a year get exposed to antibiotic resistant bacteria, (sounds like they might need to switch up some policies and such or something, pronto.)

I can imagine someone looking at the skyline and thinking, man the Tour Montparnasse really ruins the beautiful old-world view but I kinda liked it. It reminded me that even though everything is changing and evolving, the beautiful, old parts of the city still exist and stand strong. The mix of styles was cool to see.…

Okay so. You know those watermelons that the Japanese grow in Pyrex boxes so that they come out as cubes? That’s me. I’m the cuboid watermelon, D.C. is my Pyrex box.

Also like, yeah, D.C. probably IS dirtier than Bumblefuck Mountaintop or wherever else on earth is so uninteresting that only 5 people want to live there, and 4 of them only stay because they don’t have enough change between the couch cushions for a bus ticket out.

One very prissy girl on my study-abroad trip to London told me that D.C. (my hometown, where we stayed before London) was “dirty” compared to Ann Arbor (her home town). I am still fucking offended, and this happened like 9 years ago now.

See also: alternative turkey (eta: which paultoes beat me to!)

Do you know what God said to me? He said, ‘Your room ain’t ready.

Fresh injectable “holes”?

I remembering visiting Paris and knowing that I had this picture in my mind that had grown from years of watching Funny Face and Midnight in Paris and seeing old black and white photos of glamourous women in cafes. The romanticized version of Paris. I mentally prepared myself for it not being that way because, duh…

Was it an infected wound? Was she rolling around on the floor? Hospitals have horrible germs everywhere but a visitor in good health should not be stricken with a hospital acquired organism. People do acquire Staph in the community, my MIL picked up a nasty cellulitis on her arm in Atlantic city. Slot machine buttons…

The Kardashians don’t know how to give thanks, just things. You know, people with money...

For Paris, there’s an actual recognized syndrome for just that

Whatever happened to doing drugs and fucking boys?

A few thoughts:

Or starting a shitty band with your friends?

For anyone justifiably curious about what might prompt Austrian-born women to leave Europe and willingly join a group of sadistic, misogynist theocrats, this report might provide some answers.