Ugh I hope I'm never at a party with you

I dunno... maybe she just shouldn't have swallowed that IUD in the first place.

Poor guy. Seriously sucks. Best wishes for him.

Every Rose has its torn...meniscus

Does this mean six more weeks of winter?

Making a car is easy-peasy. Not sure why more people don't build one themselves.

"Instead of a population problem, one could argue that Universe 25 had a fair distribution problem."

"How could you let that guy in the building?" - Assistant Manager, Red Lobster

I preffer being Trilled.

I've had enough of these roads they make and keep up. Let individual communities make and keep them up. Sure some will be paved with gold, and others won't be much of a road at all, but that's what they get for being poor.

A load of excrement forced the closure of an interstate exit ramp in Indiana on Thursday.

You mean like these patriotic tunes? It's got flag waving and everything!

New Biology Curriculum:

There really aren't any dangerous baseball players left these days.

Something like this. It's proven in harshest of the environments and it's got enough protection against dogs. Plus, the police already has them, so cheaper maintenance.

Why am I not surprised that even their training videos have them attacking black guys?

Seriously... what. What is this.

is this what happens to someone's sense of humor when they read Atlas Shrugged over and over?

I got you homie. Pro bono