I can’t believe you doxxed @CelticsChant, a satirical performance you just don’t understand and have no business judging.

Great, now we need a whole new food pyramid, since mine is clearly out of date...

when your large adult sons get too excited at the grill

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

I often see white parents with obviously adopted black children, I’d call the police but they’d probably arrest the kids.

I can get an 8 pack of hot dogs at Kroger for 2.50, boil them all for a week’s worth of provisions, and then let the hotdog water ferment for a couplefew months and end up with a potent and tasty beverage just in time for October baseball. All I’m sayin’ is if you’re spending good money’ for your hot dog liquor,…

You went to K State. A lot more than 5 minutes has been stolen from you.

Okay, first of all, fuck the Vikings! Drew is dead, I am your captain now, and I say you will root for the Raiders.

lmao. sorry. who???

Time to get back on the fantasy sports train again

For more analysis, we now go live to a bunch of lawyers with too much free time on their hands: the entire Deadspin commentariat.

Wow, Hillary Clinton is looking pretty rough these days...

Imagine LeBron playing blackjack. He’d totally pass Jordan as the best ever.

This is just like when I recall how many pieces of bread everyone at the table has already had when I’m taking the last one for myself.

I think there’s a real point here. A lot of you were really hypercritical about the NFL’s terrible record with hiring black coaches and executives but did we ever consider they were doing it to protect those coaches’ feelings?

Is there some available coach out there who has a secret plan for making James less good at basketball?

That joke knocks you Downapeg.

I don’t know, this one for the Nuggets may have it beat:

The Raptors have been in the league for about 20 years now. They have contributed two things to the NBA.

I haven’t been as invested in a Toronto sports team since the Leafs in 2013, and well we know what happened. The moment I start to believe, they disappoint me. I’m 28 now, and at this point I’m convinced I won’t see a Toronto team win a championship for a very, very long time. So cheers to all the losers out there:…