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She just wrote Miserable Shitehawk's post for next week.

I nominate Miko Grimes to stand in for all of Marshawn Lynch's press conferences.
All in favor?

Pitchers want a rough surface so they can grip the baseball. A slick baseball being thrown at 95 mph is going to kill someone. That's why baseballs are coated with mud before games. While it technically illegal, teams won't call a bit of sticky stuff on a baseball until it becomes an obvious advantage which is super…

"I'm not in there with Joakim Noah. Joakim Noah is in there with me."

Can't stand "this is all so stupid" guy.

Fuck you Boyle and your Laws.

I've officiated. Its tough to feel a 2 psi difference if you're not really "handling" the balls. If you notice, the only official that really handles the ball is the Umpire who catches it and then tries to spot it down as fast as he can. To notice the difference, you really have to grab it and squeeze it a bit. Only…

That greatly increases the odds that the prostitute was a man. Or a goat.

Talk about predestination: his middle name is Carleton.

They're just mad that their anonymous scouting reports will have to wait a year before they savage him.

Speaking of horse gums, when did Terrell Suggs have his grill redone? He's got some large BRIGHT WHITE chompers now and his gums appear to be more normal sized.

"First off, I just wanted to so thank you to Herschel Walker.. uhh sorry, Herschel Walker."

Denver needs to win a superbowl before Elway starts this sort of self aggrandizing talk. He's clearly putting the cart before himself.

A slip of the tongue? Not with those teeth.

Next on the queue: Two missed holds on the Romo-to-Williams TD by Tyron Smith and Ronald Leary.

Pass interference.

"How would you like to talk to that every day?" was a pretty sick, yet subtle burn.

Plus he totally traveled.

oh, shut the hell up.