CALIFORNIA DIARIES, COME ON KATE DRIES.

My brother just this last week was talking about trying to meet new ladies and said, "Sometimes I see a pretty girl on the street and I think about talking to her, but then I don't because all my friends that are girls have told me they hate that and don't feel safe." My heart grew three sizes.

Sunglasses are acceptable as long as it is 90% sunny outside. Anything less and you are being a frigid bitch. Do I need to send you a copy of The Rules again?

#notalldudes

I feel so naive because here I was, walking around in sunglasses just to keep the sun out of my eyes. I had no idea they were also useful as Creep Deterrent!

My book doesn't even have any writing in it! The sunglasses are an optical illusion. AM I EVEN REALLY ON THE SUBWAY??

Can I get it on a cashmere sweater?

P.S.: Oh, and by the way, it'd be nice if your default expression was a smile - or, at worst, a merely neutral expression - instead of a scowl that says, "I'll cut you off at the knees if you try to talk to me." C'mon, is life really that bad? Just sayin'.

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

All the single ladies?

Restaurant in Williamsburg, very small - Aurora. I think we paid too much for too little, but it was one of the cheapest venues we could find.

I'm sure this is about financial problems - like, getting into debt or not knowing how to properly manage money. I think the expensive rings and weddings are fine - you do you - but I think a lot of people who get these things maybe can't afford them. They say financial problems are a huge factor in marriage troubles.

Based on my vast experience with being married for 10 whole days, I would agree that inexpensive, well-attended weddings, simple rings and honeymoons are, indeed, a recipe for marital happiness. I think it has to do with the relative dearth of credit card debt and the part where you go on vacation.

I don't know if we should consider his girls to be a karmic payback inflicted on him, so much as additional potential victims for his obviously abusive behaviors.

David Bowie and Iman named their daughter Alexandria, so as far as I'm concerned the name is perfect.

Gah! Why did I miss this? I have a good one.

I had sex with a libertarian who liked Ayn Rand, made a point of not watching TV or keeping up with current pop culture, and thought video games were for children.

Clowns. My best story involves a lot of clowns.

I mean, I have other stories. Honorable mention goes to the time I had sex on the 5th floor of a hotel's glass-walled staircase in plain view of the street below because we couldn't afford to get a room in said hotel, and the time I swam out to the center of Walden Pond…

I got married. (No, seriously, I married my first husband so that I could have sex. What on earth was I thinking??)

I'm also sort of racking my brain trying to think of something "crazy" that I truly believe. There are probably 1,000 things that I would like to believe, but deep down I don't believe them at all.