When did Alec Baldwin start looking like he has a show on The Food Network where he goes around the country sampling ballpark food?

The new official pizza of the NFL is cut-up footballs scattered across the surface of a rewarmed pie. Or, as, Papa John’s calls it: “a large pepperoni.”

Judge John Hodgeman addressed a much milder but more far-reaching version of this a few years ago. Dude would open any encounter with any kind of service employee with “I’ll have the kung pao chicken.” His son was suing to get him to stop.

That’s too bad.

“Hi, I’m Randall Munroe, and I have weird issues with people in humanities and the social sciences that I choose to work out by not learning how to draw instead of talking to a therapist like I should be doing.”

Aw man, I clicked on this thinking Apples in Stereo was gonna make a math rock album, and was like “cool, two of my interests are intersecting.”

True story: I went as Charles Nelson Reilly for Halloween last year. Nobody knew who I was.

I always assumed the accent was a put-on, but I guess he just lived in Georgia for long enough that it developed.

Yes. I want normal people not to have to see your emotionally unstable obsessions. I’m not going to apologize for that.

This is, seriously, the single most insane and misguided take on the NCAA’s problems that I have ever seen.

Man, I support your passion, but why did you have to take this dude’s weird racist tantrum out of the grays?

Well, to be intravenously polite, it WAS the walkie-talkies that had knocked the pins down.

I’m genuinely shocked because my bellwether on this kind of stuff didn’t work. My mom has really good taste in television and is usually really adventurous (I got her to watch Brockmire), but there’s a certain kind of dumb procedural that she falls for, and The Blacklist is exactly that kind. Except she watched like…

Okay... I get the part about assault rifles. Can you maybe go into a little more depth though about the part where The Blacklist is still on?

The opportunity came and went in 1997 when Elliott Smith didn’t win for “Miss Misery.”

The idea of homework isn’t bullshit. It’s important. Having the ability for students to go off on their own, process what they learned, and report back, is critical.

The difference is that, in rural districts, schools are way more likely to be on the same shitty footing. Parks wasn’t being asked to compete with schools in similar situations, it was made to feel like it was competing with Inman and Sutton, schools in rich (mostly white) parts of the city. They didn’t have to make…

You have creepy anger issues.

If you still think it’s curious that David Cross would choose to be an insensitive asshole, you haven’t been paying attention to David Cross.

Ted Cruz is a butthole.