Because it’s a lot easier to get on the train than my giant Apple costume.

Work frowns upon me arriving and working in a giant banana costume.

So, having sex and eating will be the only thing I do from now on with this mantra. I can’t think of many other things I would be so enthusiastic about.

Geez, looks like the only thing missing is a good pair of grill tongs.

Since I know which meeting this was, your superior has been informed... Be careful what you put online... :p

Some people are probably going to be uninspired by John’s answers because so many of them seem...uninspiring, but I think they’re effing fantastic.

I just stick a whip-creme can in my mouth and press the button. A delicious suicide.

I kinda feel like the Pizza hut manager didn’t really have a leg to stand on either legally or otherwise. I mean if your service is so bad that people are ordering takeout to be delivered, that’s on you as the manager.

I enjoy becoming part of the food.

Posting this article before Thursday would have helped me. Now I got a wait a whole week to start new habits.

There have been a few times that I’ve been without a permanent residence and a job at the same time. But I’ve always had a place to stay. One time it was working on a farm in exchange for room and board, another time it was working at a church in exchange for a place to sleep in the building, another time it was…

HA “Oh, no, I’m not concerned. I was just being an undermining ass.”

I have found a reply (stole it from Miss Manners, actually) that works stunningly well on the majority of these people:

I wish more people thought about this before replying all at work.

What I find interesting is that it’s against the laws of war to assassinate members of other governments, but it’s perfectly ok to attack their army with your army in order to capture them.

I love nightmares because when I wake up I get so happy that my problems are not being chased by death robots.

Block off the time: http://lifehacker.com/block-off-time…