RIP Zoe Barnes

Sure they’re close, but if this investigation isn’t dropped one of them could find themselves pushed in front of a moving train, and it’s not going to be Rooney.

Throwing on the one yard line instead of running it for starters

They don’t care. There’s also no better way to make someone dig their heels in than revealing they’ve been conned.

This is a very strange and not super healthy way to think about relationships.

Donald: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me, but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the…

“You know who else was ‘Man of the Year’?”
*Crowd Cheers*
“That’s right, a little man called Hitler!”
*Bass Slaps*
“I’m just sayin’, the trains ran on time, amirite?”
*Cheers*
*Double bass slap*
“But honestly, your children are going to die in a nuclear fire the likes of which you could never imagine. Just...The. Best.”
*Audi…

$10 can of Budweiser America beer?

Most people I know would be thrilled to get a letter from the President elect.

Will these support trashbags filled with dead hooker parts?

Will these support trashbags filled with dead hooker parts?

Or they’re just betting he’ll actually kill his girlfriend next time and they won’t have to pay the last few years.

I see no reason to give shitstains like this the benefit of the doubt. They had a chance. And they voted for Trump. That was their chance and they fucked it up.

Tune in to ESPN at 8 PM EST on Saturday to see who gets his room in the Nissan® Heisman House!

Since my gram passed away from cancer I’d support that cause.

When the thought, “waiting for the right time to break it to the internet” crosses your mind, it’s a powerful sign that you have made poor life choices.

Dear Hamilton, stick to concourse and promptly fuck off.

Rivera was going to send an email to Adam Schefter announcing the punishment, but he couldn’t find his laptop.

I actually live in the attic you pathetic fuck. And having nothing to do with a crime doesn’t excuse celebrating the criminal because he was good at winning nominally amateur athletic events

Omg. Ur soooo cool. [100 emoji]