Huh... I didn’t think Yankee judges gave out death sentences as frequently as their be southern counterparts.

*Paging Dallas Braden*

Right? I wonder who the marketing genius was that named a contact lens company after what is undoubtedly the most famous lens fuck-up in history.

Right? I wonder who the marketing genius was that named a contact lens company after what is undoubtedly the most…

Fuck this guy. Only an asshole publicly shames his own kids, and only a hypocritical asshole shames his own kids over not knowing something that is HIS responsibility to teach to those kids. Your kids don’t know that blinker fluid is not a thing, and you think it’s important that they DO know this? Then it’s up to…

I was living south of Memphis, and my girlfriend was in Chicago. Anytime I had a long weekend, I’d drive up to see her in my Nissan pickup, the one without a working tape/cd player, and without working A/C. Basically, I’d get up at 5:30 in the morning, get to work by 7:15, pull a full day until 3:15, and then drive…

My mom traded in her rusting, green ‘76 Chevy Malibu sedan for a new blue ‘89 Corsica. Both of which were better than my dad’s red K-Car, the one that had a big ol’ electric fire on our way back from the mall one day. No wonder I think my Mini is so good...

Ooooh, Clayton Richard was kinda tall!

Oh, you’ve hit the nail on the head - Sears was absolutely my childhood as well. I loved going to the mall with my mom; we’d always park at Sears, and pretty much every article of clothing I had came from that Sears. When I got to college, my mom actually took a job at Sears; I think it was motivated by getting a big…

Ewan McGregor as Lumiere has such a distractingly bad French accent (and McGregor’s married to a French woman, for Christ’s sake!) that it almost ruins it... though not quite!

Joanna, you are awesome.

Thanks for this.

Oh, and he keeps the confederate battle flag on his desk for good measure.

“Sorry we hurt your field lawn, mister.”

Andrew Johnson and Warren Harding had strong “businessman” reputations, and both are easily among the worst presidents we’ve ever had (worse than any of those you listed, with the caveat that Trump will almost certainly pass them both by the end of the year)..

It’s a nice moment to witness when you’re a parent, until you get home and realize they’ve been stuffing trash between the couch cushions because they’re too lazy to get up and throw shit away. 

Guests at a Beverly Hills Lamborghini Party:

There’s a difference between “not hav[ing] enough shits to give about” a kid, and actively hoping “no school in DC takes him and all the kids around him hate him.” The kid is 10, and didn’t have the ability to pick/choose his own parents. Now, if he gets to 18/19, and turns out to be a dickhead, then yeah, rip him to…

I have two daughters, and by the time we get them to bed (and do dishes and other daily chores), it’s well past 9:00, so it’s rare for my wife and I to actually get time to sit down to watch a movie. So I was THRILLED when we recently took a family vacation, and found that our plane had movies. I watched the…

Oh, absolutely. I hate his politics and his judicial interpretations; was just acknowledging that he has achieved a great deal for himself.