HE ACTUALLY COMES ACROSS AS COMPLETELY RATIONAL AND INNOCENT OF THESE BASELESS ALLEGATIONS AND IF ANYONE DISAGREES THEY SHOULD BE FUCKING HANGED FOR TREASON.

25 minutes later: “Of course I asked for Toensing and Di Genova’s help! This is a very serious situation!”

This is like those skits with Dana Carvey and Will Ferrell playing Ross Perot and Larry King. 

Rudy Giuliani: Mayor of the Greys

I guarantee there are at least half a dozen kids at every community college in the country, let alone state and private universities, that are more competent than Miller has ever been or ever will be. It’s remarkable that he’s advanced so far based on nothing more than bigotry and connections. 

What’s actually more hilarious is watching the $87 million man in Minnesota leading the offense to a measly 60 yards in almost 3 quarters of work. And people wonder why Dak wants $35 million/year.

Sounds like perfect weather for a prestigious quadrennial soccer tournament!

Trump’s conversations, several of which had proven to be embarrassing to the president.

The worst one, I believe 

Martyrdom.

On the other hand, if you had told me that a washed-up celebrity would be sliding into Lizzo’s timeline offering to be a human purse, Frankie Muniz would have been at worst my fourth guess.

You admit you shot him in the center of his chest with the intent of killing him “as you were taught” but also claim there wasn’t much blood which is why your hands and uniform were clean even after giving chest compressions...hmm...curious. You stood there as he was dying and texted your boyfriend that you had…

2019 is some wild times, my friend.

Follow your dreams, Frankie.

It’s just so fucking bizarre. If you told me when I woke up this morning that this is something that will happen in real life I would have called bullshit and insisted someone was playing the world’s weirdest game of Mad Libs.

He sits in front of the TV all day laughing at Paw Patrol. He’s stoned!

In his defense, all 5 month olds appear to be high

She literally did. She said she was “intoxicated” and doesn’t hold those beliefs.

Why are people saying she is on drugs? Racism is not a side effect of any drug. LOL please stop with that bullshit. Y’all are trying to rationalize this nonsense. That white privilege even affects people of color thought processes.