Jason Torchinsky sends in his application for The Onion Autos.

I totally forgot about that suicide scene until I rewatched it a while back. Yeah...pretty dark for a movie about a living car, right? It was a good movie though.

Umm...Do you wanna tell us more about that whole “Blood Printer” thing. We at the FB-I mean, HP Company, have a few, very important questions.

“The People who designed Aluminum Man, like, do they even have a Science Education?”

Eddie: Listen to the new sound system! *Randomly Screams in Pain*

Anyone else notice that the Yugo ad was narrated by Peter Cullen? Y’know, Optimus Prime Peter Cullen. Basically, Optimus Prime says buy a Yugo or suffer the consequences.

Judge Glasscock has balls of Steel.

Just read the context of the Jesus-breath verse. It refers to those who claim they know when Jesus is coming back. It has nothing to do with a man fixing cars.

I don’t know why, but “WE’RE GONNA WATCH SOMEONE GET MURRDERRED!!!” made me crack up.

I’ve got a copy on the shelf. Can’t figure out how to install it though.

But where does a self driving car go if it doesn’t have a driver? What will it do? Will it see the world?

Couldn’t be. Roofline’s too low. Foresters have ungodly high rooflines.

Forget what I said before, I zoomed in on the picture, definitely saw an 01-07 Highlander.

Looks like a Mountaineer to me.

When this article was written, Miata owners everywhere rejoiced.

Thanks to Bob Lutz, I’ve now have the courage to say: I want to cram a 5.0 Coyote into a Taurus. I don’t expect it to work, and I fully expect it to take my soul and then kill me, but it could be cool.

You expect the man who thought “Hey, I gotta idear, let’s shove a freaking LS9 in a Hybrid and see what happens!” to be subtle?

From what I understand, pedophiles are usually beaten in prison if it’s found out. You have to remember, A LOT of inmates have young children, mostly daughters.

#NoChin my friend. #NoChin.

ANOTHER MINECRAFT LETS-PLAYER IS A PEDOPHILE?!?! Come on, guys! I mean, seriously! I’m almost convinced we should just give DJ Killer Keemstar free reign to accuse ALL Minecraft lets players of being Pedophiles, and work our way back from there. Well, I mean, he ALREADY does that, but maybe we should actually listen…