In the words of Marco Rubio, “ I am the panda of Dumbledore, through whom America dreams its ice creamery. As God is my witness before me, America applesauce applesauce.”

The son of immigrants, who sniveled his way to some prominence, only to to be smashed under the slanderous bootheel of a billionaire.
He really lived the American Dream to its fullest.

“Whats the state of our UNION, Marchman?”

his 14-year-old son, Drake

“The fraudulent sales and the fraudulent cover-up are really two sides of the same coin.”

If you’re a grown man, and you concern yourself with buying garments that have been worn by grown men who are not you, then you are a huge fucking nerd and you deserve whatever garbage you get tricked into buying.

trade them for 1 first and 2 seconds in the 2021 draft?

Like, if you get paid for being an American instead of going to college and being an American.

Remember when Paul O’Neil hit those two home runs for that kid in hospital?

I take the elevator if I have to fart because I am a bad person.

When is it acceptable to make a shit-ass comment about someone taking the elevator? Never. Because I did it once, and the person was coming off of knee surgery a few months prior and I had to go to “sensitivity” class because of it.

Bill O’Brien: Brock, welcome to Houston! Let’s take a helicopter tour so you can get a sense of our great city!

Whatever. I beat porn at least three times a day and I feel fine.

Manning: Like Forrest Gump said, “I got you some ice cream.” Just kidding. It’s my balls in your face.

I’d let it go at this point, there’s really no need to badger him.

Conspiracy theorists still claim that the real dog is a sandwich.

I’ve often found that the people who have an easiest time explaining to others why they don’t drink are women with great racks. It seems like everything they say just makes more sense and is also at the same time pretty hilarious.

Ugh...the pretentious contradiction oozes through this diatribe like alcohol through your pores after a bender...