Jay Nathan.

Is monarching such a tough job that it doesn’t leave you time to hang out with the wife and grandkids? What exactly do they do day-to-day anyway?

They could certainly use it.

Also, completos.

Where do I donate to the “Wellbutrin in the water supply” fund?

There’s plenty of blame to go around. In other words, yes, fuck those people too.

He could cover Stevie Wonder’s “Uptight” with similar lyrics changes, just to completely shit on everything good in the world.

I prefer the metal version:

No chance that’s accidental.

Scientists claim to know, but they are lying and making me pissed, so...

Of course ghosts don’t show up on camera even though we can see them with our own eyes. It’s similar to how we can see vampires, but they don’t have a reflection. Duh.

One can recognize that one “does not have all the answers,” but still refuse to believe in things that are based on supernatural phenomena. There’s a shitload I don’t know, but I don’t believe in magic.

Religions can be bullshit. At best all of them but one are basically made of it.

You might just have a different definition of “asshole.” Or maybe you’re thinking of a different flavor of asshole. I don’t like San Diego assholes at all, but I find New York assholes tolerable-to-charming.

Maybe I’m an asshole, but I fucking hate San Diego.

There’s nothing casual about 100 kipping pullups. It’s hard work even then - not as much or in the same way as 100 non-kipping pullups, but still.

OK. I find all of this deeply silly, but that makes a sort of cockeyed sense I suppose. I certainly didn’t withhold any information about my intentions as an infant, being that I didn’t actually have any information or intentions at all.

Jesus was way cool:

I love this idea: