Better yet, don’t use a debit card to pay for anything ever, if you can avoid it. But most importantly, not anything bigger than a “small bills” purchase.

Five dollars a month? Nobody can afford that!

At least you know who your friends are because they stab you in the front.

If you had Warner Wolf and a $4,900 bond . . . you lost!

I only googled it because I read your comment...

• If no other objects can be found, feel free to use the large clumps of fecal matter rapidly accumulating in your underwear.

I still remember the old Anarchist’s Cookbook safety warning for nitroglycerine: “Warning: may explode if heated, shaken, or left cold”

Basically, it’s gonna blow up no matter what you do.

Then Aristotle did a revision of it and added Aether.

The kid’s already flopping with no contact.

“Iowa, The Punxsutawney Phil of General Elections.”

Shhhh....campaign workers like myself gotta eat.

Applaud... and shriek

We do not need to know this. Consenting adults make a mess of their personal lives everyday. Jeff Bezos decimates unions and exploits his workers. Amazon leaves a trail of housing and transportation problems in communities and they get major tax breaks for that privilege. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and New York…

Uh, Apple, can you just, like, fix iTunes before spreading it to other platforms?

LOL. I was visiting Texas (a friend grew up there) and I asked a bartender for “something local” as I always do when traveling. The bartender looked at me like I was stupid, because the only “local” beer he's heard of was the awful mass-produced Shiner. I haven't been back to Texas since.

AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I THOUGHT TURKEYS COULD FLY.

I got fired for getting hurt on a construction then went to get checked out. It was only after I told them go fuck themselves.... now I’m in sales. 

Not for nothing the promo codes are kind of hidden in the photo caption

Not for nothing the promo codes are kind of hidden in the photo caption