Meanwhile in Calabasas, Satan laughs.

That IS a good Vine.

His daughter’s name means “my soul” in Spanish, he said, “because I’m cheesy like that.”

Every time I hear her speak I can’t help but think that the wrong half of her marriage occupies the Oval Office.

Just reading that was exhausting. I think I’m going to take a nap. Who’s with me?

My boyfriend had to break up with his awful, toxic parents a couple years ago, and my excellent mother died almost four years ago. We mostly just, like, drink mimosas on Mother’s Day. I will probably ask my cats to get me some flowers.

I feel like I'm being dragged back into my mothets crazy cycle right noe. But she is so damn helpless I feel like I can't just abandon her to the mess she's made. Anyway this feels on point.

I'm going to start drawing my lips from my forehead to my nipples and no one can stop me.

Uber is horrible and this article is great, but I think some commenters on here would do well to remember that this type of thing also happens all the fucking time in regular cabs. You can spout off all of the information you want about background checks, etc. - the fact of the matter is that basically every woman I…

True story: I ignored the cat call of a man of a sunny Washington DC Sunday afternoon, he proceeded to follow me for 2 blocks then shoved his finger in my ass crack. Its not just about the cat call, its about the fact that men feel they have ownership over our bodies.

You can’t just go around touching people if you think they have something. You can legally search them if it’s a situation where you can legally search them, or you can back the fuck away.

thank god disisto is still alive...

Now I need a pasta maker ;)

Man, he’s gonna be pissed when someone reads this article to him.

I’ll drink anything they put an orange in

ALMOST OLD ENOUGH TO GO TO THE CLUB

At the end of this interview, I turned to my husband and said, "How will we live without Jon Stewart??" I seriously have no idea. This was SO GOOD.