If this was the 80s, he would have lead the team to victory as Queen played in the background, and he would yell to the quarterback (who was also suspended for most of the season for being a rebel), “Hallensworth! You’re trouble.” To which Johnny Hallensworth would reply “Yeah. I am.” And Couch Hot Dong would call…

I believe you’ve only got me in check. Y’see, 3 kids, 4 years of highschool = 12 trips to the juice bar.

“You better have dates and times of the juicing”

“And furthermore, if anyone claims that my playets went around the horn on each other, they better have dates, times and pictures.”

You do realize these are their normal Alternate Road jerseys, right?

Sorry, jabronis, but I’m calling this now: Cavs are gonna destroy the Warriors in the Finals this year. And you can take that to the bank.

“I hope this gets me laid...I hope this gets me laid...I hope this ge....”
*slam*
“Looks like I’m not getting laid.”

Why did they skip the “Beat her with a stick” part of the routine?

“Well you don’t have to rub it in.”

“Bob, our ratings among millennials are shit! Bring in some younger viewers!”

“I was like, good gracious, ass is bodacious”

“Help me!”

Like football players in the South, the UConn women’s team is getting so much campus pussy.

No, because he’s the evolutionary Bert.

Thunder GM: Hey Russ, I’m just calling to make sure you know the new Durant rules.

No, he’s on the Knicks.

Is he ehhhhhh.......shooting a bowling ball here?

This is exactly what I have been thinking and saying all along. In an ordinary election year, with other ordinary candidates, one goof up on Trump’s scale would mean curtains for the candidate and Trump makes multiple such on a daily basis and thats no hyperbole - that is FACT.

Popovich: How have you been enjoying the carrot cakes?

"This will make for a fantastically tedious story re-told by somebody else 20 years from now!"