Everyone knows that if a TV character coughs in the first act, it needs to be revealed that they are dying by the third act. It’s called “Chekhov’s Cough”

I met Bill once and he was distracted, limp-wristed handshake, and kinda dull, like I was a piece of lint. He also looked unkempt and had kind of a weird smell.

JK: He was dreamy, I want his babies

And I’m trying to find out how I get in touch with people who want what Britney wants. I’m here! I code! I doodle! I’m growing my lumber-beard back!

I feel ashamed at how long it took me to understand why these two ladies were so familiar-looking.

How did you do that?? It’s so true. It’s the same freakin’ wig.

14 year old boys are pretty femme still

Michaela Watkins? I was delighted when she showed up in that Julia Louis-Dreyfus show a few years ago.

Except that Pedrad is known for her young-boy characters. She’s got this sorted. (You’ll see...... ;)

What gay people need to understand is that Barack Obama knows EXACTLY what he’s doing...

Coldplay and Maroon 5 are terrible. If you like them then you’ve somewhere gone very wrong in your life and do not understand the point of living on earth.

No offence. You’re not ignorant. You’re just not very well-informed. I’m not at all surprised that America produces such voters as you.

They’re expensive but cheap

It’s clothing for SLUTS. Now... I DARE you to tell women they can’t be sluts if they want and wear this kind of clothing if they want.

Go...

I don’t see the relation

“You feminists are just velociraptors tearing each others heads off!” “No we’re not, BRARWWWWWWW”

Being kept alive but not allowed to live is the closest thing to hell we have. Prison isn’t nice, especially when it’s your new forever.

Her voice is a singing version of Siri. She’s no Sia, even though their tonal quality is similar. Sia sounds like a PERSON. Rihanna sounds like a simulation.

I’m over her. The album is grating pop nonsense. The kids will love it though, because kids and Gawker writers are idiots

I liked the part where they broke through his door frame, tasered him and stood on his neck while they drew the blood test. Kotaku, you always deliver the exclusives.

He seems to have made a terrible life choice.