The Plain White Ts: There's never been a more appropriate name for any band ever.

It's more of a Gordon Gecko look, really.

I guess Prof. Segal is ... Under Siege.

Very few participants? Or lots of participants, but all of them were quite small in stature? Confused.

"Sorry, you can't come to this dance unless you arrive with a potential hook-up. Because as school admins, it's our top priority to encourage teen sex."

How short must your past two or three stints be in order to be considered a job hopper? Five years or less? Three years? Rarely staying on board for two?

Wait, so the whole damn book is written in first-person present tense? Like a junior high English class writing exercise?

Can there be a scene where she sings "A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down" while Bert eats her ass? Or would the chimney sweep song be more appropriate for that part?

Looks like the end of Rock III.

I know a guy who will give me an extra $30 if I let him make a video of me doing it. Would they mind if I brought him along? I'm all about maximizing the bottom line.

"...we can't inject our children with chemicals."

Read the original comment. Now read it again. One more time. Did we see anything ... unexpected?

Oh, you. I know your game. You jump into a popular message board, open with a whole lot of sarcasm and hostility, heap on the misspellings and tired cliches, make ample use of the exclamation point (to make yourself sound extra EXTRA shrill), then throw in a link so your trolling isn't excessively obvious. And with…

Grown men wetting the bed? Christ, how many articles about reporters whining over Marshawn Lynch are you going to run this morning?

Refusing to talk to reporters about anything, under any circumstances, is probably the best example any athlete has ever set for any child.

Awkward man gives awkward interview, making viewers feel awkward and interviewers feel frustrated. Nobody enjoys it, but the status quo must be maintained, goddammit. Otherwise the whole system falls apart.

Just dropped in to add another "Um." That is all.

Just watch, God will be playing for the Raiders by the fourth game of next season. Bet on it.

Lawn dart. After that he begins to strip down and use articles of clothing until he is left naked and shivering.

How do they stay in place? They don't, uh ... "plug in" ... right?