At this point I’m inclined to believe “Russian hookers peeing on Obama’s bed” is a tossup, but that there’s definitely a tape of Putin pissing directly on Trump’s face.

Huge name recognition.

Thanks for asking! We’re being taken over by the most craven, vile, and self-centered portion of our population, whose sole interests are their own well-being and the promotion of their own finances and regressive version of what it means to be “American.” So...we’ve got that going on. 

Name recognition (same as with Biden now)

Well, I don’t know anything about that...

Thanks guys! Me too.

Put the dissenters against the wall.

I Lol’d!

But didn’t the civility police in their own party that this wouldn’t work?!

You’re the only account I’ve seen that’s dumb enough to fall for the new tomato account. 

I would guarantee that at least one White House waiter has been screamed at that the small ice cream scoops are the reason for whatever crisis Fox News most recently broadcast. 

She reportedly flooded her ex-boyfriend’s house by sticking a garden hose in the mail slot.

Things not listed, but still a delight to know:

What do you want to bet he has a bunch of “Elsa, She-Wolf of the SS” outfits in his closet?

They didn’t. They talk about it on Page One of the Red Flags. This shit is nuts.

HOW DARE YOU MAKE THAT PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE