#notallmen

Not to fear. Crabs are very friendly.

I don't know how to flirt, but I do know how to look like I'm being a good listener while staring someone right in the eyes thinking "kiss me kiss me kiss me"

"says he's been fucking since before my balls dropped and that he's probably had sex with every woman I've jacked it to. He laughs maniacally."

I worked in doctors office. I collected the paper that held the diagnoses for you after you saw the doctor as well as your co-pay. When I told a guy his copay was 10 dollars, he gave me a "bill" and told me to keep the change and basically bolted out.

Here's a question: Does anyone get repulsion?

I think I'd rely more on a game of MASH.

I think all the pics with visible lipstick, scarves and painted nails turned out to be photoshop. Someone posted a comparison pic of the woman whom they blended Bruce into on another Jezebel story. (Sorry I'm not more specific, this speculation is rude and annoying.)

I prefer to live with myself. I don't need a piece of paper to define my relationship.

There are people who think masturbation in a relationship constitutes cheating. Most of us refer to those people as "complete fucking lunatics."

I have dark black hair. Long dark black hair. But when I was a teenager I was not happy having long dark black hair. However It's hard to lighten black hair when you don't know what you are doing and silly me I thought you could bleach your hair with actual bleach. So I went to the cupboard and got the javex and…

Any lady with some belly and these pants will forever hate Kendall Jenner for selling her on these pants.

Not even a joke, this lady is a far better writer than 90% of the people** currently in my advanced novel-writing workshop at a Canadian university that shall remain nameless*

This girl that I remain excellent friends with to this day. Now, the girl herself wasn't the problem. Nor was the act. It wasn't even the morning after. It was the afternoon after, when I met up with a friend whom I had canceled plans with due to, well, the girl.

Had just graduated from college and was interviewing for jobs. Human resources lady calls me for a second interview, which goes well. She calls me for a third and arranges it at a local café (for a change of scenery). She looks amazing, but much different than she had the prior to appointments. It becomes obvious that…

Kevin Federline. At his mom (Aunt?'s) house. I wish this was not true.

Met a woman at a bar down the street from my old apartment. End up back at my place, she decides to give me lap dance, and falls through my glass coffee table. Later, when I was giving her head, she started talking on the phone with her fiancé.

the guy who worked at an electronics store. His name was Eric Johnson but went by Lance at work. He said there was another Eric there and they couldn't have two, so he chose Lance. Lance Johnson. My friends and I referred to him as Penis Penis.