"History is written by the victors" is what I'd always hear at parties when I still revealed my degree. Now I just mumble!

I actually gagged, thanks.

Little old ladies love bright hair! I always used to get stopped by them.

I appreciate the sentiment, and I wish more companies would do things like this. That being said, I still hate shopping for underwear and bras and the fact that all their employees are very INYOURFACEHICANIHELPYOULETMEKNOWIFYOUNEEDANYTHING always sends me into a panic attack and so I don't think I will be more…

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ts… <—- there is a copy and pasted version of the original, in case this one is taken down.

No, thank you.

As I've always said, there's three things we, as a culture, need less of: flavoured vodkas, Nicholas Sparks novels, and Disney Princesses re-imagined as other bland shit.

It's either a fine layer of sweat she accumulated from the understandable anxiety of achieving her "deepest wishes", or it's one of those little rollerball glitter tubes from the nineties that smelled like fake peaches. Honestly, you should be more concerned about that powdery substance on her legs.

What, the rubber vagina or the dress?

I woke up this morning feeling really bad about myself, but something about watching another human being proudly hoist a big rubber replica of their own undercarriage into a camera lens, smiling beatifically at nothing and glistening like a wet pear, makes me feel like maybe I am less silly than I initially suspected.

What are you talking about? Dogs love eating shit.

I don't understand what the fuck is going on here, but I love it.

I never thought of it that way, thank you.

Excellent article.

I love seeing tattoo elitists weigh in on this sort of thing. "A REAL artist would have made an EXQUISITE coverup with koi and [train noises] it's an art and [bog ambient sound]". I also remember being 21 and thinking that kind of thing was important. I think the coverup is funny, people who got upset about it need a…

I think my favourite was still, "I would do Tour De France with a cactus as a bicycle seat if it meant I could go for one drink with you." I told him he's allowed to do that anyway, he doesn't need to wait around for me. No reply.

Fneyh. Pussy. I get it.

I get that a lot. It's supposed to say "Sensitive Beta Male".

"Fuck Nicholas Sparks" is my new favourite headline. Also, is there fucking in his books? If not, then I agree it's not romance. Which means that romance novels are better. Because dongs.