"I swear to god, if you call the cops I'll throw myself down the depth chart."

"I can't do it. I can't stand still for that long."

It's a perspective thing. And yes, from this angle, it looks incredible. But it gets a lot less impressive when you see it from the proper perspective and realize he's not actually white.

Much better tackler than his cousin, Lito.

Following the incident, Colon was reportedly stuffed for days.

To be fair to the kid, the only reason he even drives that tractor in the first place is because he kept falling off the wagon.

I was expecting more analysis on succeeding despite not being able to use one's hands.

The officer described Symington as "disoriented," but cooperative.

My dog Hrbark will love it. The guy really knows how to lift a leg.

Seems a little unfair. How come when Lolo Jones loses a race no one takes her flower?

The $100,000 is nothing compared to the millions the Browns have spent trying to find the worst QB.

Are we sure those are Browns fans, and not just the actual guys?

Funny, a fishing trip is what ruined Bison Dele.

For Immediate Release

Dad: Well maybe if you let me wear a glove I wouldn't have made that mistake!

Who's the real racist? Certainly not i.

It's never good when the story involves you and Eric LeGrand and you come off as the spineless one.

hey noah i can see miles

Ugh, the dreaded 28-77-78-79-80-89-90-91-92-93-94-95 split.

Officer: Hands on the wheel, sir. License?