My nephew Washing Machine makes weird noises and is clearly unbalanced.

Are you aware that War Machine would be able to win a fight against any woman, and likely many women at the same time? Weak joke if it was a joke, just dumb if it wasn’t.

I think it’s the “machine” part. My cousin, Sex Machine, is also a scumbag.

It must be something with the name. I have an acquaintance named War Machine and he is always in trouble as well. Weird.

Wife: “How was your day, Joey?”

Oh sure everything looks bad if you remember it!

On that same other hand- I mean, he stabbed a guy with a pair of scissors once.

I look forward to the new ESPN documentary series 0 for 30.

Charles Barkley was often known to play with “Philly Cheese sag”

“I swear I stopped shooting way before nine.”

Because:

Fuck this guy. This quote alone is “fuck this guy” worthy.

Say what you want about Colin Kaepernick, but when he made an overt political statement, he answered questions about it. Hell, since “balance” is so important, I’ll say even old Curt Schilling is willing to engage criticism about his expressed political beliefs.

Tom Brady shouldn’t sit on his opinions. Stay in his lane? No longer an option. If he still supports DT, he needs to lay down or play dead; no matter how fetch he looks in those Uggs, people won’t stand on their hind legs for it long term.

“I haven’t paid much attention. I’m just a positive person.”

Seriously. I would legitimately just rather be fat. Having to go through all that plus having to spend that much time with crossfitters? Hard pass.

Scientific, no, but if they follow proper form (HA!) then they’ll be stuck at the gym for an hour so that’s an hour you don’t have to be around those people.

Is there any real scientific benefit to doing 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups and 300 squats? It really seems like there would be a point of diminishing returns here.

Hey Deadspin, you accidentally posted someone’s shitty Reddit comment as an article.

a sequence of 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, and 300 squats