I had a woman request a new glass of ice water, because, and I can’t make this up, “her ice water was watered down.”

Why does she have to take Rita into an elevator? Last I checked, it wasn’t Rita who made vows to her.

Costello: You see the thing is that these rappers today, they’ve got the funny names. The unusual names you see and if you’re going to be buying stolen Jewels from them you need to learn their names. So let’s start, first up we have 50 cent

YES. Why is Joss Whedon so damn precious?

neil degrasse tyson is a national treasure who must be preserved for all of eternity.

Same, Stoya. Sometimes you just gotta embrace it and get freaky. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Secret occult history was pretty much why I wanted to watch it.

I generally suggest people try beige colored liner on the water line, not white. I wear a lot of makeup (think Kardashian-levels of “a lot”) and even I don’t put actual stark white on my water line. You can if that’s the look you’re going for, of course, but if you want that sex pot big eyed look, do beige. NYX has a…

I am a big fan of breastfeeding wherever you have a right to be, and I did so when my kid was a baby, but I can’t imagine breastfeeding while getting a haircut. All the little hairs getting in their eyes :(

With all due respect, if this is satire, it’s very poorly done. Most readers of this site are educated, bright, and quite humorous. If this was even a moderately well-written satire piece, more readers would have realized it.

She might be funny, but she’s funny in that way when you laugh uncomfortably at an acquaintance when they make an off-color joke. In that, this wasn’t actually funny, it was weird, and weirdly nasty. Lots of Cool Girl-isms, etc in this piece.

Sarah you are very funny, but you’re wrong. WRONG!

I use my husband’s razor once a month, so free. If I had to use my own, I certainly would use the blades more than once, even if only to shave my pits and legs. Again, no one solution is best for everyone. Options are nice things.

The takeaway from this should not be, oh hey, when you get your mani-pedi, be sure to give the wage slave who does it a couple of extra bucks that her boss might not steal.

Maybe, if we all chant “BCO” as we go to sleep tonight, we’ll get an extra special surprise related to this on Monday.

I went to your stylist’s website and...

Get in line sister. Stef is the original hate-fuck.

BLESS THIS LEDE IMAGE

So nonchalantly mean and hot. 10/10 would do, even if I hated myself for it.

When I get my time machine running, I’m coming for you, 1985 James Spader.