Are you Raj from BBT? Because those are Raj level punes. 

You would be wrong. I did, as did my best friend. Very early 80s, but still... 

You misunderstand me. I never said I wanted a brand new car. There’s no way my comprehensive insurance will pay enough for me to buy a car of the same year, same features, same mileage. Because buying a car at the value the insurance company places upon it is not possible in the real world. That’s how the world does…

Dude. Not even full coverage will get you a car like the one you had. It’ll get you what the insurance industry thinks your car was worth. Unless you drive and treat your car like crap, you aren’t going to replace it with a like car in like condition.

What? Why would they not be THRILLED? I don’t have to make someone lose in order to win. If you told me I eat toast so well that only Glenn Close eats toast just as well, I’d be thrilled spitless.  Stop manufacturing misogynistic drama. 

Oh these sweet, innocent children. We sang along with every word when we saw it opening day. With age comes cunning, and an ability to remember old songs.

I’m voting Lion is a Kardashian/Jenner. I dunno why exactly, but if anyone would self describe as Hollywood royalty and come from a ‘Pride’, which we all know are 95% female.. Kourtney, just to fuck w/Kim?

O.o. I put that (and garlic and ginger) on noodles - why have I not thought about that on a sandwich??!

I do not do peanut butter and sweet things. I just don’t.

Man, two grown ass women acting like 12 yr old girls makes me want to step away from BOTH of their music. Grow the hell up, ladies. The baller move is to lift each other up, not tear each other down.

And Jewish people, to be excruciatingly fair. But yea, there'll be shit thrown at Omar and her hijab is an old bvious target. 

Buy me a dishwasher, remodel my tiny kitchen to accommodate it.  (Please?)

Dude, she’s already there. Look at that hairline.. it’s already headed to her ears. (And I say this as a person who was bald until age 3 and has had a fivehead all her life.)

Two bites. Tell your kid they need to eat two bites of everything prepared for dinner. If they don’t like something, they can eat their two bites and then eat something else prepared. Two bites, give it a try, then move on. The second or fifth or fiftieth time they take two bites, they might realize they love it now. 

Did they whitewash Polanski’s involvement, or remove him from the narrative because he shouldn’t be celebrated? I mean, cynically, I am sure it’s a pro-profit marketing decision. Idealistically - let’s not say the names of racists and misogynists and rapists in a positive context. Let’s not point out that certain…

Unf. That man. I need to go watch In The Cut again now. 

After watching Jessie J sing and dance and joke her heart out until damned near midnight last night.. Chatum could do a hell of a lot worse. Girl can get after it. 

Butter pie crust leftovers. Sprinkle generously with cinnamon sugar (although you could use pie spice sugar if you must). Cut into size and shape you like. Bake until  crust is done and sugar is melty and caramelized. Mom’s pie cookies, the only thing better than the pie itself.

Because being objectified and subjugated separately aren’t enough for some people...

Wait, wait! I know this one! Let me smell it, look at it in a glass. I can detect oxidizing wine 6 months before anyone I know. It’s my superpower. OK, it’s Pavlovian conditioning. Oxidized wines give me a migraine in minutes after just a sip or two. My brain is really, really good at detecting the aroma and slight…