I can't go to a bad movie by myself. Who am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to, strangers?

I got him Yankee's tickets! He got me a piece of paper saying, "I've given your gift to someone else!"

I was handcuffed to the bed, in my underwear, where I remained.

I think I'd really like to be a city-planner.

In another development, Mayor Dinkins has fired his top adviser, Lloyd
Braun, who is believed to be responsible for the name-tag fiasco.

If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George!

The Muted Heart

As you know, every year, Phase Two of the Pines of Mark Gables honors the previous year's president. And this year we are honoring Morty Seinfeld - a man who slept more hours on the job than Ronald Reagan.

Women kill for eyebrows like that.

Why do you need more friends? You've got plenty of friends.

Steeped in gayness.

I don't have one female friend left.

Nah…I'm not ready for it.

I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions, and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains. I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends — I'd have to get orgy friends.

He is just in his own world when he hears that song. It's like, I'm sitting there in the car, and he's…out riding fences.

When you join that team, it's not a whim. He likes his team. He's set with that team.

It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.

She can bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan.

I, a customer, and she, a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced.

What are you saying, that I'm not good enough for this hideous dress? Listen, Natasha - I wouldn't be caught dead wearing your crummy little euro-trash rags.