I think I got David Duke and Farrakhan down there.

The thing about eating the Black and White cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate.

Astro-turf? You know who's responsible for that, don't you? The Jews! The Jews hate grass. They always have, they always will.

Birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be - that for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are
to the bitter…

I'm talking about a support undergarment specifically designed for men.

When you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.

Significant shrinkage.

Oh, you mean…shrinkage.

Well, nobody sees the…cover.

Hello…….Newman!

All you people with hair think you're so damn superior! You have no idea what it's like. You ever look down in the bottom of your tub and see a fist full of hair? How'd you like to start your day with that?!

Oh, yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!

You called me shmoopie! You're shmoopie!

If I could talk to the mothers and have sex with the daughters, then I'd really have something going.

Last night, I found a whole Weeble Village right behind the EZ Bake Oven.

I've been dying to see Checkmate.

You think she was refunding?

It's not easy.

Suze? I actually had a little thing with her for a while.

Donna Chang.