Probably shouldn't have said anything,

Probably shouldn't have said anything,

Look, I feel bad for him too, but he'll get another job.

Look, I feel bad for him too, but he'll get another job.

I just like to have and few drinks and just let the guy do whatever he wants.

I just couldn't decide if he was really sponge-worthy.

I start out with curls. That's good for the bicep. I do 10 reps, 2 sets.

I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me!

Oh, that's the worst part of it. He looks just like me.

Don’t leave me hanging.

In a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. I'm the one who sent him to Thailand - in search of low-cost whistles. Filled his head with pseudo-erotic tales of my own opium excursions. Plus, I gave him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel.

Jim Fowler? The animal guy from Wild Kingdom is coming to your apartment?

The question is whether you'd rather date the blind or the deaf.

My cat - he’s got this weird sort of skin condition. Some type of fungus.

I think it moved.

I have to say, I think about the nose. I don't want to think about the nose. I don't ask to think about the nose, but I think about it. I go to bed at night, I tell myself, "Don't think about the nose. Forget the nose." But I think about it.

You know that just admitting a man is handsome doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual.

I am Batman.

Aren't we all getting a little too sensitive? I mean, someone asks me which way's Israel, I don't fly off the handle.

Cancer.