Well, it's my medical opinion that you're making a big mistake. And it's going in my chart.

Hey, I am not here for rage. I'm here for revenge.

I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.

Breathtaking.

You're hung up on some clown from the sixties, man!

Oh god, that guy's terrible.

It's really a pretty good little story, don't you think?

Men don't care what's on TV, men only care what else is on TV.

You know, your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple and then BOOM - suddenly hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it.

It strikes me a lot of guys are doing that kind of humor now.

The House of Peterman is in disorder.

I'm not a psycho.

You obviously like pies. You carry doughnuts in your bag. You're not averse to pastry. Surely you could see how such a thing would prey on my mind.

Stop it. I'm sorry - you've gotta get a job.

I'm Captain Maddox. This is my co-pilot, Kurt Adams.

What if we grew muttonchops?

That guy was amazing. He could dunk and he was my height.

Jerry, I'm trapped under my desk. Steinbrenner is in the room. You've got to help me.

I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?

Sometimes I think about wearing my hair real short.