What, did get your degree from a matchbook?

Adios muchacho!

It's a Festivus miracle!

Mahjong!

How did you know who that was?

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I hate smugness. Don't you hate smugness?

Smugness is not a good quality.

I'm dead.

Feels like an Arby's night.

We're not men.

What the hell are you talking about?

Listen Mr. Costanza, if you do this for me, I'll get you a manicure. I'll pay for it. Or you can get a pedicure if you want.

This yogurt is really something, huh? And it's non-fat!

Birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are, to the…

I made a terrible mistake.

The best, Jerry.

How do you live with yourself?

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!

This guy… this is not my kind of guy.