It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.

Bette Midler.

Jon Voight.

Look, Jerry, these girls are Miss America contestants. It's every little girl's dream. And I'm not going to let you trample that dream and make a mockery of everything the pageant stands for!

Mr. Penske! I was just working on your file. I was transferring the contents of the file into this flexible, accordion-style folder.

One wonders if War and Peace would have been as highly acclaimed as it was if it was published under it's original name, War: What Is It Good For?

Is he black?

Does he live underwater?

After all, she did get together with George Peppard. I mean, Fred.

What? In his drink? Are you outta your mind? What are you, Peter Lorre?

There was a pretty good chance I was never gonna have sex again anyway.

No. There's less.

Favorite president: James Polk!

The best Jerry, the best!

Hey, what are you doing?! Watch where you're driving, man! Don't mess with the Devils, buddy. We're number one! We beat anybody! We're the Devils! The Devils!! Aaaaa!!!

That is just shameless.

It's like another comedian stealing my material.

Wanna get some pizza?

Jake Jarmel.

Jujyfruit.