I usually try to ruin weddings the normal way: pop a copy of Freaks and start chanting "One of us! One of us!" at the new family member.

@See you suckers later: Monday. Monday night. What am you? High or something?

Javier Arenas is doing well tonight, perhaps because he threatened to go "all Boy Scout on [their] asses." Of course, he was referencing the Spanish Prisoner, but he frightened the Chargers anyway.

@Natzzzzzz: If he's Samson, and she's a Brazilian Delilah, does that make the rest of the country the Philistines? And what happens when you cut that hair?

@JanetRenoManchild: Actually, no Alanis, it would not be ironic.

Fortunately for Josh, R.Kelly plans on arriving with a case of Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers for the house.

Gabby Agbonlahor. He never actually has to buy the prostitutes- he just looks at them once, and he's already there.

Jordan Shipley: The best receiver on the Bengals? I say yes.

@JanetRenoManchild: The NFL apparently sees fit to curse me with the Manning Brothers Comedy Hour, because they hate America and life.

I live in Texas. Why must I watch NYG/CAR? I'm sick and tired of Eli Manning and his fat fucking face.

This first part is for Ben: Hilary Duff is not quite young enough but

@Pete Gaines: The International Ladies Garment Workers' Union would like to have a word with you. We can do this here, or we can do this downtown.

Choice number three: Taking one last job from Joe. Big Payday. No risk. Diamonds involved.

Man I love Miracleman. That is all.

@UweBollocks: Funny, here I had "Ted Hughes philandering" written down.

@vodkanaut: my Mom said that about me after the sonogram. The next pregnancy, not so much.

Somewhere, amongst the sentimentality, amongst the goo, betwixt the dongs, the comment ninja lurks, and drinks the tears of memory, biding his time. Waiting to strike.

@UweBollocks: I prefer insult sword fighting, but if I had to choose... Chris Hanson's Axe, because every now and then, an Eagles fan needs to be beaten. By another Eagles fan.

@See you suckers later: I should have said "I believe thats how the Book of Mormon was written."

@vodkanaut: I wish God operated like this.